Real Life Wedding Planning

There will surely be people you would like to invite to your wedding whom you cannot and people who want to be invited, or who expected to be invited, whom you didn’t invite because you didn’t want to.

Yesterday I was getting my nails done when a fellow patron, obviously a Mother-of-the-Bride, went into extreme detail on her cell phone ( I won’t go into the inappropriateness of a loud, personal call in a public place) about her daughter’s wedding.   At the end of her description, I overheard her say she was sorry she wasn’t able to invite her to the wedding but would share photos with her!

It is natural to be excited about your wedding and want to share your excitement and plans with everyone but try to be sensitive to the feelings of those who have been left out and ask family and friends to do the same.  If you don’t, you may be creating some hard feelings that could cause problems later.

Also, remember that anyone who will not or has not been invited to your wedding should not be included on guests lists for your engagement party, bridal showers, bachelorette, or any other wedding related parties.  (The exception might be if your co-workers throw you a shower, knowing they will not be a part of your big day.)

I recently heard about a bride who, weeks before her wedding, still hadn’t gotten all of the paperwork completed for her divorce from her previous husband.  She and the groom had some stressful days as they got everything ironed out, but there was a happy ending.

If you have been married before, make sure you are legally divorced and have the paperwork stating this.  In most states in the United States you need to bring a copy of your divorce certificate with you to apply for a marriage license.  (For more about marriage license requirements, check my blog post on the subject that I wrote in March.)  Some states also require a waiting period after divorce before you can remarry so be sure to check the requirements where you live.

Save yourself some stress, get this done with time to spare. You don’t want to be busy trying to get divorced right before your new wedding day.

Wearing a custom Vera Wang wedding gown, actress Alyssa Milano married agent David Bugliari at his family’s New Jersey estate on August 15, 2009.

Here are the ideas you’ll want to steal:

• At the outdoor wedding, the aisle was scattered with cream-colored rose petals

• They wed under a wrought-iron gazebo decorated with calla lilies, roses and willow

• The bridal bouquet was made of  lily of the valley flowers

• The color theme was purple.  The bridesmaids wore long purple gowns and the flower girls wore long white dresses with purple sashes.

• In keeping with a “country-chic” theme, wooden signs directed guests to the reception area which was decorated rattan furniture.  Bales of hay were used as cocktail tables.  (You can get bales of hay at a feed store)

• The reception was in a tent with wooden flooring and wrought iron chandeliers (Flooring and chandeliers can be rented from a tent or party rental company)

• Dinner was served “family style” on rustic farmhouse tables (”family style” means platters of food were placed on the tables for guests to serve themselves – perfect for a casual country wedding)

The wedding was planned by event planner, lifestyle designer, and star of the Lifetime television show, Get Married, Colin Cowie.

I’m a fan of the television show, Get Married which stars Colin Cowie, event planner, author, and authority on living with style, and Deanna Pappas, formerly one of TV’s The Bachelorette.  I wrote about the show in a previous blog post.

Now, Get Married is planning to launch a magazine October 2009 and it promises to be a “new shopping and trend guide for the savvy bride”.  You can get a FREE issue by signing up at their website.

This is the first wedding magazine to use Microsoft Tag technology which will give you instant connection to videos, websites, and photos and information right from the pages of the magazine.  Instant connections to valuable resources is reason enough to sign up for a free issue!

I was doing a wedding planning consultation with a bride and groom and I asked about the groom’s cake.  They had not heard of this cake so, in case you also haven’t heard it either, here is some information:

The groom’s cake originates from a tradition in the American South.  The legend is that single women attending a wedding should go home with a piece of groom’s cake and put it under her pillow.  When she sleeps, she will dream of her future husband.

Today, many brides order a cake decorated to reflect their groom’s hobby or special interest and surprise them with it at the rehearsal dinner (to be used as dessert) or their wedding reception.  For example, the Lakers cake above, made by Merci Beaucoup Bakery and featured on the WeTV show, Amazing Wedding Cakes, was ordered by a bride as a wedding day surprise for her groom.

If you want to have the groom’s cake at your reception, rather than serving it, you can use it as a wedding favor.  Have the bakery supply small boxes for slices of cake that your guests can take home and eat later – or put under their pillows!

Maybe you’ve been good about your wedding planning, hired vendors, signed contracts, all in plenty of time.  But now you think you want to make changes in your bouquet, add extra touches to your cake, or have the caterer change your salad choice. Can you do it?

Maybe…

Here are some things that could happen when you make last minute changes:

• You will be charged extra just for making the change and, if the vendor needs to rush order anything to make the change, you will also be paying that charge

• The vendor may not be able to accommodate you if they have to order particular items, for instance a type of flower, and their supplier cannot accommodate them

• If it is a major change, there may not be the time to do it

Good vendors will do everything they can to give you what you want or offer alternative suggestions if they cannot do it.

Check your contract to see how the vendor handles changes and ask how much it will cost.  Then check you budget and make sure you feel the change is worth the extra expense before proceeding

I continue my obsession with stealing ideas from celebrity weddings with actress Ali Larter’s August 1 ceremony to Hayes MacArthur in Kennebunkport, Maine.  It was an outdoor event and, if you notice in the photo above, instead of an aisle runner, the aisle was bordered with petals from pink and purple roses.  Great idea!

Although many outdoor weddings use cloth or carpet aisle runners, as reality star Kendra Wilkinson did when she wed at the Playboy mansion, there is always the risk of someone, usually the bride, tripping on the cloth or sticking a sharp heel right through the fabric.  Other, safer, ideas to define the aisle at an outdoor wedding:

• Potted plants at the end of each row of chairs to define the walkway

• Leaves, instead of rose petals, scattered along the border for a autumn wedding

• A bow, wreath, or swag attached to the aisle seats

Take the weather into account when you chose your aisle decorations.  Petal or leaf borders will scatter in the wind and fresh flower swags can wilt quickly under a hot sun.  Work with an experienced florist for more ideas.

Don’t forget, when you select your wedding gown, a long train will be ruined if you drag it through dirt, grass, or sand.  You might want to chose a tea length dress instead, one with a hem that falls between the bottom of the knee and the bottom of the calf.

Shopping online for wedding items is extremely convenient.  The web offers a wide selection of wedding invitations, favors, attendant gifts, decorations, flowers, and even your wedding gown and rings at prices are often lower than local retail shops.

Here are some DO’s and DON”Ts for making successful purchases online:

• DO plan ahead – last minute orders will cost you extra shipping and handling charges, and you won’t have time to exchange anything if you are unhappy with your purchase.  And remember to figure shipping and handling charges into your budget.

• DO read exchange and return policies – many don’t allow returns for personalized, edible, perishable and special order items.  Policies can be found in sections such as “FAQs (Frequently Asked Questions), Customer Service, or Customer Care on a website.

• DO read change and cancellation policies – some companies will charge you if you change your mind or cancel an order before you receive it.

• DON”T hesitate to call before you order if you have any questions about a product or a policy.

• DON”T be swayed by any promos offering a special price “just for today” if it’s something you didn’t intend to buy.  Stick to your budget.

• DON”T forget, this is one of he most important days of you life.  You might want to take the time to shop in person for some of your items.  You can make it a fun outing for you, your fiance, family, or attendants so you not only get shopping done, you create a memorable event for yourself and your family and friends.

The recent YouTube video hit, JK Wedding Entrance Dance, shown above, shows an example of a couple who made their wedding their own.

Friends and family might encourage you to follow wedding traditions and trends and you should, if that is important to you.  You might want to take the basic traditions and use them as a good foundation for designing and planning a wedding that is uniquely your own.   For example, make a video invitation using a mini digital video camera and send it via email, select a theme around the place you met or a favorite movie or type of movie (for example, horror movies),  or do the tango for your first dance.

Read through some of the posts on this blog and pick up ideas from some of the celebrity weddings – Josh Duhamel and Fergie’s guests were given a chance to fish, Channing Tatum and Jenna Dewan had a castle cake with fairies and the flower girls wore fairy wings.

Add touches that will make you and your groom happy and help you have a meaningful ceremony.  Who knows, your wedding might be the next YouTube sensation and appear on the Today Show like this happy couple!

Having family and friends help you with your wedding is a great way to save time and money.  Just be sure you have realistic expectations of those who are helping you.

Some things to keep in mind:

• You are probably the one who is most committed to planning a beautiful wedding.  Your friends and family may want to help you but your wedding may not be at the top of their minds.

• Make sure the people who help you can handle the tasks you give them.   I’ve heard of brides who have asked friends who were amateur photographers to photograph their weddings, only to have to redo the shots later because the photos did not turn out well.

• Make sure the people have the same tastes as you do if you are having them help with decor.  For instance,  if your idea of a island theme includes tropical flowers but your friend thinks it means tiki gods and bobbing hula girls, like the ones in the back of a car, you have a problem.  Give clear instructions about what you want.

Don’t become a demanding bridezilla,  be thankful to the people who volunter to participate in your dream wedding.  Just know what you want, communicate clearly, and prepare to be  flexible.